i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
