So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
