For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
