you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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