Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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