Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
