weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
