i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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