In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Let's get the cat blown out
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
