Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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