I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
