I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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