dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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