She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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