My nipple is on Facebook.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
