When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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