Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
