I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
