11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
