chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
