The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You dont lie about slip and slides
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
