Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
as a side note pls kill me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
