Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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