sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
