He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
