He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
