After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there's paper in my vomit.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
