Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
