South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
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remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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