im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
