im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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