Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
