this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
