If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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