he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need a beard to bite.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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