Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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