I met the friendliest cop last night
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That accounts for only three of the penises
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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