At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
