My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
