i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
