remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
