I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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