I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
