You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
