dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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