my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i dont even know how to be here
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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