I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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