I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
