my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
