The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
