I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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