you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
