Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
