So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
