first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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