hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
