Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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