i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
