Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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