were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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