One girl and one boy is just not enough.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
