I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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