I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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