its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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