shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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