Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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