pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Randomize
