i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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