On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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