so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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