Got a toothbrush?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
