If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
