I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
