Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
