May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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