i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
