he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
