When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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