bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
