oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
