Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
