just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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