I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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